For the past two years, I was racing my bike full-time until last October, when I made a big transition in my life. I got into nursing school (starting in September 2026), and I began working part-time at a local Trek dealer.
After spending some time in my updated lifestyle, I began to feel a lot happier. Oddly enough its because I’ve been riding my bike less… whattttttt🤯
If you’re not careful, the more you push towards cycling, the more it pulls you into isolation.
I definitely was too “locked in” for those two years. I spent way too much time thinking about cycling and optimizing my life for cycling.
As much as I tried, I really never found a good balance with cycling being the only endeavor in my life. I often felt lonely and had the feeling of slight dissatisfaction with my life. Along with those feelings, without knowing it I accidentally put pressure on myself.
During those two years, I unconsciously wrapped my self-worth/ego/identity around cycling. Fear took the wheel, and I would show up at these races trying to take a result for myself. In the hopes of getting a result I deemed worthy, to protect my fragile identity I put into cycling.
It felt like so much hinged on each race result, and that will really deter you from the whole meaning of it all.
I expected too much out of myself. I thought, “I’m cycling like a professional cyclist, so I should be getting pro-level results at these races”. When I didn’t live up to my unrealistic expectations, I would walk away from races feeling so disappointed in myself, which was completely unfair.
This is only the first few years where I’ve been racing seriously, so I can’t expect myself to be at the same level who have years more experience than I.
When I was accepted into nursing school, I realized my ability to ride/race this much was finite (at least for now). With going back to school in the near future, I’m not sure what my cycling career will look like in school, nor on the other side. Which made me realize, “I’ve worked so hard to get myself to where I am, both fitness and sponsorship-wise. Why am I not just enjoying this incredible opportunity to race?”
Making that transition taught me something incredibly valuable about my relationship with cycling. I learned that giving cycling some space in my life makes me a much better cyclist.
In October of last year, when I pivoted in life, I had to make space in my life for new endeavors. This took the sole focus off cycling. Instead of being a full-time cyclist, I’m now working and a soon-to-be student. Which shifted my expectations of myself.
I was no longer expecting myself to be at pro level because I wasn’t a full-time cyclist anymore. Without those expectations, it allowed me to unwrap myself from cycling and lift the pressure off myself.
When that pressure faded away, my love for the sport came back to the center… Which is the whole reason I started cycling!!! It was never to win, get a paycheck, or to prove anything to myself; I started riding bikes just because I love it.
I’m no longer operating out of a place of fear, trying to take something. Now I have love back at the center, showing up to give something.
This sounds strange, but I’m an artist as much as im an athlete. Because in my eyes, I’m creating something. Each training ride, route put together, power graph, nutrition strategy, equipment set up- to me all those are all different brushes I use on my canvas.
These events I race are my outlet for self-expression. Now I’m showing up to these races to give. I get to put all of my work on display and feel incredibly grateful for the painting I worked so hard for.
It feels like I’ve been able to swap the lenses that I view cycling through. Finding this new set of lenses lets me ride from a place of creativity and freedom. For the first time in my cycling career Ive been able to show up to these past few races feeling confident in myself, along with curiosity/excitement for what the day has in store for me.
This has allowed me to become such a better racer. It really allows me to take more risks, try new things and not place so much weight on how I place.
It’s just really never that deep, as with all things in life. It’s supposed to be FUNNNN which is the whole meaning of pedaling a bike! When you are just having fun and derive so much joy from what you do, everything just makes sense and works better.
Racing with the weight of pressure on your shoulders sucks. This year, the contrast of feeling so free feels so incredible. I have no idea what the rest of the season will look like, or the rest of my cycling career. But I say that with a smile because I know I’ll always be pedaling, and right now I’m at peace more than ever.